My father has been gone for many years since he passed away when I was 29 years old. I still long for conversations with him that I was never able to have. For example, he did not live long enough to see me become a minister, and I would have loved sharing with him and also asking questions about the business of church. He was a very successful businessman, so it would have been immensely helpful at certain times through the years. I used to talk with him anyway and try to “channel” his abilities through me.
I also miss his kindness and generosity, and he had a great sense of humor and was fun to laugh with. He was not a stern or frightening father in any sense of the word, except a bit when I was dating boys! Then he was over-protective. My mom even had to step in at times when he might have otherwise locked me in my room with bread and water. Well, not really all that bad! I always knew he loved me, and that was his greatest gift.
I married twice and my first husband had little sense of responsibility as a father. It was a rude awakening for me. My second husband has always excelled in that area of responsible father, so, I have seen different faces of “Father.”
I observe my two sons as fathers, and they are both quite different. Chris, the one in California with two daughters, has always been very sensitive and seems to be the perfect father for girls. He has played dolls with them and built each of them their own Star Wars light saber from scratch, complete with sound and lights. He also found driftwood on the beach and made Harry Potter wands for them. He has been in the restaurant business for years and has taught them how to cook and fend for themselves in the kitchen at a young age and taste almost any kind of food. Along with his wife, he has taught them to appreciate music, dance, and art, and they are good at all three, combined with dramatic natures like his that draw them to acting in theater productions.
My son Justin, who has boys, works in the construction arena as an electrician in Minot, North Dakota, and though very kind, has always been a little rougher around the edges. He’s a good dad for boys. He takes them fishing, camping, and vacationing in their camper and skiing in the winter. He has a playful spirit and enjoys amusement parks and water slides as much as they do, and he takes them to sporting events as well, though his 18-year-old son prefers reading and video games and being with his girlfriend. My son is very relaxed about rules and fairly laid back with his boys. Thanks also to my son’s wife, they are growing up with lots of dogs and other animals and seem to prefer the country rather than the city.
Fathers come in all shapes and sizes. Some are kind and loving, others are strict and disciplined, while others may be irresponsible or unkind and unloving. It is hard to comprehend sometimes how one can refuse to take care of an innocent child, but unfortunately, there are those parents who grew up without the love and nurturing that fostered those qualities and skills in them. Some manage to overcome and give their children what they were deprived of. And of course, there are many wonderful fathers who did have the love needed and they become a blessing.
Whatever the case, each of us is called to develop the “father within us.” We must find those feelings of protection, authority, confidence, know-how, and wisdom that we need to become effective adults, and possibly parents and grandparents. Each of us has this father within whether we are male or female. We can ask for it to express more fully in our lives and then pay attention and nurture it as it shows up.
Happy Father’s Day!
Love and blessings,
Rev. Kathy